Friday, October 4, 2013

My new life and other thoughts.

“I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.”
― Lauren Myracle

I have been away for a while. I have been traveling a bit for work, but there are other reasons for me not blogging, sorry you are just going to have to endure. 

The travel part, I went to San Francisco for VMworld, it was amazing. I had a blast, learned a ton and I hope I get to go again next year!

We moved into our new house in mid-August. We both like it pretty well. It has a few quirks that we don’t like but over all we are both happy we bought it and are getting settled day by day. It is nice to have a nice place to relax and come home to at the end of the day. And I guess when it all boils down to it that is the most important thing.

Bear with me please, for a feel I need to speak… Or I guess write. About 8 years ago we started dreaming about moving to the mountains to live a little slower pace and by surrounded by the beauty that the mountains bring. These thoughts were born in the Gallatin Range in Bozeman and Big Sky Montana during various ski trips. Then we started traveling to Colorado for summer vacations and relaxing in the mountains, along with long days spent fly fishing in the waters of the Blue, Eagle and FryingPan rivers those ideas of moving to the mountains grew stronger and stronger. In a very odd and unbelievable progress of events I applied for a job in Aspen and I got it. After a ton of negotiating salary and lots of heart to heart talks with my wife here we are. We are here in the mountains, living the dream… Now that I have been here for 5 months, I need to reflect on the voyage up to this point. It has been incredibly hard. I miss Minnesota way more than I thought I would. I miss everything about it, that is not to say that I don’t like it here, but I am seriously conflicted. My job is good, but… I like my house, but… I like the area I live, but… I guess when it comes down to it my reasons are mostly stupid, but they are my feelings. I miss the city. I miss my best friend Berry. I miss my record stores. I miss my Twins games. I let my Twins season tickets go this week and it was so hard and so sad for me. I miss my friends at the St Paul Fly Tiers. I miss those Thursday nights with those guys so much. I don’t have really any friends here, so I do basically everything by myself. My wife works nights so I don’t see her 2 weeks out of the month and that is hard. The dream life is not starting as good as I had hoped it would. I honestly didn't think it would be this hard. One thing that I have a really hard time with is all of the wealth here. It makes me feel like I have done nothing important in life. I look around and see private jets, 50 million dollar homes, luxury cars and people that make more money doing nothing then I ever will in a lifetime and it makes me feel like I could have done more with my life. When I was in Minnesota, sure there was wealth, but it wasn't in your face every day and everywhere you go like it is here.  I work in Aspen so all I see every day is money and it is very hard for me. Stupid I know. I know I have a blessed life. We make excellent money, live comfortably, have nice things and enjoy life. But… Like I said, I need to speak and tell my feelings because for me writing is sometimes easier then speaking.

With that said. If I left today and headed back would I regret it? Yes I would, because this chance to live where I do only comes once in a lifetime and I know that. I know that I am not going to be here for the rest of my life. I like it here, but so far I don’t love it here mostly. What I do love is being so close to my favorite river in the whole world to fly fish.  The FryingPan. Just the thought of leaving that river behind makes me want to gut it out and make a go of it here. It is pretty sad that the reason you want to stay somewhere is because of a trout river. But it is. I see the Pan every day. And every day I wonder if another lucky fly fisherman is going to fish the Pan for the first time and fall in love with it as I have. I hope they do, I hope they realize what a special place the Pan is in the world of fly fishing. How beautiful it is, and how lucky they are to be standing in its waters. Because honestly every time I step into that river that is how I feel. I stop for a moment before making my first cast. I look at the mountains around me, I look at the trees on the banks and lastly I look into those crystal clear waters and look for a fish to say hello to. There is always one there going about it;s business, but I feel they are looking at me and wondering what I am doing because I am wondering the same about them.

My dream life is starting slowly. It is hard to say goodbye to the things that you know and love. And I am trying to do that every day, but every day I am reminded of them and it makes it harder to let go. Minnesota will always be my home. I was born there, I grew up there and it made me mostly who I am today. It is a beautiful place in its own right and it is always in my heart, as is everything that I have left behind.
I know that things will get better; I know that I will be happy and I know that I just need to give it some time. We made a huge life change; I went from a very familiar life to one that is new and completely different and one that I am having a hard time dealing with it.

I have begun fishing again; I have been out 3 times in the past week. The fishing has been good. I have gotten a few nice fish and have enjoyed my time on the river as I always do. The trout in the Pan are looking up which means I have been fishing with all dry flies, which is my favorite way to fly fish so it is fun.It snowed here last night so I am hoping to get out tonight before the snow disappears from the trees. I am guessing it is beautiful up on the Pan with the fresh snow. I plan on blogging more steadily because I have a lot to tell you and sadly for you it is a good outlet for me.  

Thanks for reading.

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